Patience and Time

Hey, I just figured out something...
I woke up today, 7/1/2015, a new year and we are not together,
the weather is storming with tears of crying angels.
In hopes you might read this someday, maybe you won't but I let this be taken care of by fate.
Just now, when I was walking through the storm, the drops of rain all over my body, wind blowing so hard that the only thing I wanted to do is to hug you, and make you feel the warmth of my body.
Then ... then happened the most "Ohh" moment I ever had in my life.

Dejavu that everything actually happened and then my body told me something that shocked me.
All you wanted at the day you gave me another chance was me to melt your defenses down.
You wanted to leave me because you though I wasn't strong enough to handle you in the future, that if that's the situation now and I am breaking so in the future I will surely break, Wrong!
I was learning, and I am doing it slow but I finally realized,
You wanted me to melt down the pain,
melt down the hurt,
melt down everything that made you feel that way.
because Only I know everything about you, even without words.

*POWER DROPPED DOWN BY STORM IN MIDDLE OF WRITTEN, THOUGHT I LOST ALL BUT LUCKILY HALF WAS AUTOMATICALLY SAVED, ITS LIKE GOD TRIED TO TELL ME SOMETHING :),*

Only I can stare deep into your eyes and really see how you feel and what you think about, only I don't need a single word from you. You just wanted me to be the strong man you met. And with time you saw me breaking down, and you believed that I might fail someday. You didn't want to leave, but you did it because you thought that's the only thing that will be good for you in the future, well... maybe? who knows. But one thing you forgot, I wasn't wrecking or becoming weak, I was lost. I had to go through a journey alone without you to understand many things about myself and of course us in the first place. That's a shame you didn't give me the time to be alone when I asked for it but I might make a short movie in the future that explains a bit more in a more humorist way what have happened.

And remember, I really could melt your soul and make you feel protected, just needed you to be a bit more patient. *I was 1 and a half year patient* - bet you thought of it!!! Well, like I said, ALONE! Sometimes each of us must go on a rough solo journey to become a master team player. None of us were perfect, but it takes 2 imperfect people to make 1 perfect relationship as long as they try to understand each other.


By the way.... I know that you have blocked me off whatsapp.
If you wish to write too feel free to do so, I opened it for us.

Ohh my god, what have I done!

Just now, in the last few days I really saw what you meant...

I have indeed treated you so badly, so long. Every time you wanted my love I pushed you away, ohh god ...

I don't even know why I have done it, and It was really unintentionally, when you said I knew all that and done. No I didn't really see what I was doing, my head was stuck in my ass. Holy shit Viki I am so SORRY!!! That is not how I wanted to treat you! Ohh boy..

I failed to show you how I really wanted to show you my love, my care, be a part of you. Holy crap... Just now I realize what I have done, I really didn't mean. 

That is something that has no reason, if earlier I said that you lied and upset me and I got sad, well the behavior was really really hurtful on my part and you are not the one to blame. I AM! 

Kiska, I really didn't mean to hurt you, it is all my fault. 

Wow, I really didn't see how I treated you. Now that I realize it, it's too late. 

But I am glad someone treats you good.

That makes you happy. 

One thing I know for sure, today I promised God and myself that I will never ever hurt someone else, what I did to you, I couldn't see, I don't know why, and that is my sin. My mistake. 

I Remember

I remember when I first saw you

I remember your innocent look

I remember your beautiful smile

I remember your playful eyes

I remember how you checked my music

I remember how I gave you some water

I remember that you didn't feel well

I remember I creeped you out with a knife

I remember I felt my heart flying away

I remember I touched your bra that day

I remember I felt that you are mine already

I remember feeling like we knew long ago

I remember letting my previous lover go

I remember it happened in that same day

I remember that it already late at night

I remember my previous lover

I remember how she didn't give me a lift

I remember that I thanked her for that

I remember I denied being driven home

I remember I didn't regret that

I remember we began walking home

I remember smiling when talking to you

I remember I grabbed you because 

I remember that you were mine

I remember being told you had a lover

I remember feeling an arrow being shot

I remember it hit my heart

I remember I played it cool and careless

I remember I was sad

I remember my heart screamed

I remember it was the wildest roar

I remember hearing your sexual stories 

I remember your plane fantasy 

I remember feeling that I'll fulfill it

I remember I enjoyed talking to you 

I remember I hoped walking forever

I remember I wanted to kiss you 

I remember I respected your boyfriend

I remember your beautiful face 

I remember that wavy hair of yours 

I remember I just hugged you 

I remember walking home so happy 

I remember how love feels 

I remember thinking of you that night 

I remember I fell asleep with a smile